WHAT MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS TAUGHT ME – Love, heartbreak and runny mascara.

I was 14. He told me he loved me and I lost my virginity to him. I was young, naïve, and wanted to be loved. The first year was great, until he had me wrapped around his finger. The mental and emotional abuse started after that. This went on for 5 years, I was 19. He broke up with me, took my confidence, self esteem and left me with a lot of doubt in myself.

All hell broke loose, I partied, drank too much and got myself into a whole world of shit.

I was 20. He told me he loved me. I had been single for a year since the last relationship. He helped me get my life together, got me on the right track, and was by my side whenever I needed him. He saw me at my most vulnerable state and loved me for it. We ended things on our first year anniversary; he said there was lack of trust in the relationship, and I couldn’t find it in myself to give him the benefit of the doubt after he lied to me about one of his exes.

I am 21. I have had many flings, dates, saw many people, whatever you want to call it, but I’m still not a relationship person. I’ve been tied down twice and am not looking forward to it happening again. My past relationships have instilled many insecurities and self doubt which I’m still trying to get over. Despite all of this, one thing I will never forget it that you are your own person. At the end of the day, people come and go and all you have is yourself. This world requires you to be strong and independent. You can’t ever rely on people to get you where you want to be. I’ve also learned that sometimes, the people you love could be what hurts you the most, and you need to put your foot down and walk away when necessary. One more thing, it’s completely okay to be selfish when it comes to your mental and emotional state; do what’s best for yourself even if others may not understand it. You have to love yourself before anything else.

To anyone who is reading this, everyone deserves to be loved. You just need to be sure it’s the right kind of love that will benefit yourself and your happiness. Make sure the tears and hardship you feel in your relationship is worth the pain. You deserve to be valued and appreciated, because you are special and you are beautiful.