We may romanticize having a dramatic encounter with the charming “Joe Goldberg”, the protagonist in the Netflix series You. But realistically speaking, we would want to avoid such an encounter, more so… the stalking.
We know the new season of You just premiered. But fret not if you haven’t caught up on the series. This is a spoiler-free article. For those who do not know, Joe Goldberg is a fictional character from the Netflix original series, You. One word to describe him – stalker. We’re here to guide you on how to avoid having one in your life. Disclaimer: We are not professionals. To be honest, in today’s day and age, it’s quite easy to be stalked. Next thing you know, your stalker finds out about your cousin’s wedding engagement even before YOU do.
1. Keep your social media “private.”
Well, this is pretty self-explanatory. You control who sees your profile. You shut the door from the very get-go. At this point, Joe Goldberg would probably find you VERY interesting because you’re a private person with just 50 followers, unlike many of us who have our profile public… too public maybe. Well, you may think you’re safe at this point, sorry to break it to you, you aren’t. Joe Goldberg always finds his way.
2. Update your where-abouts an hour or two later.
At this point, Joe Goldberg would have been your friend already. Trust us, he WILL make sure he’s your friend. So, he’s definitely now one of the fifty followers of yours which means he can see your updates. If you’re one that’s quick to update, we would advise you to think twice about that. Don’t be surprised to find Joe Goldberg in the same cafe that you’re at, asking if the seat next to you is free, right after you post a cute latte photo on your social media. Unless you want that, post such updates once you’ve left the place or reached home.
3. Home. Your social media shouldn’t tell us where you stay. NOPE.
Now, Joe Goldberg may not be able to find you at your favorite cafe… or bookstore but there’s one place that you’ll go to every day, your home. You’d think that you’ve never explicitly shown your home address on social media. But, one beautiful sunset photo that you’ve just taken from your room window may have already betrayed you. Next thing you know, your house is not just watched by your security abang.
4. Don’t expose your routine.
If you do groceries every Friday, and you’ve posted enough on the Internet to tell people about it, Joe Goldberg may be “coincidentally” standing next to you now and asking if you like to eat apples. Yes, he already knows you like apples. Apples may keep the doctors away but not Joe Goldberg, sis.
5. Don’t rant on your social media.
If you’re having a hard time or a bad day, call up your friends or give them a text, not rant on your social media. The moment you let your guard down and be vulnerable, Joe Goldberg is ready to swoop in and comfort you. That’s when Joe Goldberg would come and comfort you. He would be listening about your bad day as if he doesn’t know already. Yeah, he could also be the reason why you had a bad day without you knowing it, so he could come forward as a knight in shining armor to comfort you.
6. Be off grid.
If you’ve followed our five Joe Goldberg-proof steps, great! But, there may come a time when Joe Golberg just wants to get to know you in person. Hey, he might not be a stalker after all. This is when you’ll need to trust your instincts, follow your heart and judge whether he’s just a regular Joe, or he’s Joe Goldberg. If he’s the latter, run, sis, run.
Stalking is a real crime. This article serves as a light-hearted content, not meant to provide any professional solutions. If you are being stalked right now, please get help from the authorities. Final advice: please be careful on social media. We’re gonna go watch You now.